Friday Fess Up

It's FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so glad it's Friday; this week has dragged on and on and on. I'm ready for a weekend with my hubby at home, a dinner date with friends, and a special church celebration on Sunday.

Some (oh my goodness, I am totally losing it! I just typed "Sum"... whooooo boy. This is particularly weird because math has ALWAYS been my absolute worst subject.) Annnnd now I've completely lost my train of thought and can't remember what I was going to say.

Let's just continue on and pretend we didn't see that little bit of dementia, mmmmmkay?

I confess:

I don't sit straight on the chair at the dinner table. I sit at a 90* angle to the table. Yes, sideways. I have no idea why I do this, but I do it every single meal. I put my feet on the foot rest of the chair next to me and turn my torso towards the table. Like this woman, only my torso/head/face/mouth would be facing the table. And Josh almost never faces the opposite way from me when we're sitting together. And he sure as heck doesn't resemble Kevin Bacon. And I may be pale, but my legs don't disappear totally into my shoes like that.

I always use a knife while eating. I can't eat anything without a knife to cut and scoop my food onto my fork. Spent one too many months in Europe, I guess.

I don't drink while eating meals, usually. The only exceptions are if we eat out and the waitperson brings me water or if I have coffee with my breakfast on weekends. Most of the rest of the time I set a cup for myself, but never actually use it. So my glass is neither half full, nor half empty. It's just plain empty.

Due to a severe lack of drinking liquids, I only use the bathroom once or twice a day. Hardly ever more than that. I'd make an effort to down those liquids if I had a plush toilet like this one. I'd go in there just to look at it. Gold and Diamonds, anyone?

I don't know what's more disturbing... the fact that I googled "toilets" or the fact that several wedding dresses came up. Please tell me what this has to do with toilets??? Do you think they are made out of toilet paper?

I do love Mimosas, however. Plus, it's fun to say. Mimosa. Raise your hand if you just whispered "mimosa" out loud at your computer. ;-)

I wear perfume almost every single day. If I forget to put it on, I feel naked; sort of like how some women feel without make-up. I wear YSL's La Parisienne and I just love it. (THANKS, MOM!)

Each week I clip 60 nails besides my own. Grimy fingernails is a pet peeve of mine, and although my children have been known to have dirt under their nails I try to keep it in check. As a side note, may I just advise you never to google "fingernail clippings". Otherwise, you might come upon such frightening items as this... hand-shaped jar to... hold your nail clippings? GAG!!!

I don't understand how anyone who bakes/cooks can have long fingernails. It's just not practical; food gets stuck under them and that's not sanitary. IMO (that's "In My Opinion" for you non-cyberspeakers). How can you even chop with those things!?

If you do choose to have long nails, however, there are certain employment opportunities available just for you. Say, butterfly/nail art hand model:

Whilst searching for and finding all these pictures having to do with fingernails, I was attempting to eat some no-bake cookies I made the other day. They have chocolate, peanut butter, oatmeal and... coconut. And coconut is eerily chewy and I wouldn't recommend eating it while viewing disturbing images of fingernails.

I can wiggle my left ear up and down. But only my left one. And only up and down. Interestingly enough, when I googled "left ear" TONS of images of the *right* ear came up. Huh.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE candy canes. And avocados. But not together.

I don't like ham. I can eat one piece, once a year but that's about it. I gotta admit even this picture made my stomach heave up into my throat. Bleh.

When I was young I got my ears pierced and I remember one specific trip to Disneyland (we lived close at the time) where someone (clearly I'm an ungrateful wretch, cuz I can't remember who) bought me my Favorite. Earrings. Ever. They were dangly! And Donald Duck! Suuuuuch exquisite taste in fine jewelry I have.

I am up for the Worst Mother of the Week award, and I'm pretty sure I'll win by a landslide. I forgot or was otherwise late to get Kate from the bus TWICE this week. Both times the poor dear was pounding on the door, in the pouring rain. The second time a saintly fellow mother named Crystal walked home with her and waited until I got there. HOWEVER, I would like to state for the record, that it is only partially my fault. The bus was 7 minutes early, otherwise I would have been there. The second time. The first time I just plain ol' forgot.
This is pretty much what she looked like. Minus the huge harp.

And, ironically, this is what comes up if you google "orphan on door stoop":

Double Huh. Somebody's taking the Pollyanna spirit to the next level.

I have a weak (or maybe it's super strong?) conscience. One time when I was probably in junior high or maybe early high school a group of friends and I went to the movies. We watched our show and snuck into another one. I felt soooo bad, that afterward I told my friends I was going to the bathroom but I really went back and paid for all of us for the second movie. I'm pretty sure the guy working the cashier thought I was the biggest moron ever.

I've had a pet pig, pet goat, pet turtles and even a pet cow. That we bottle fed. Then hand fed. Then killed and ate. All the meat from him was lovingly labeled "BB". That stood for "Black Bull". We were real creative with names. And I always pretended to be bothered that we were eating him, but in reality he was kinda mean so I didn't mind too much.

Although google was kind enough to also bring this up when I typed in "black bull":

Whoah. That just looks... painful.

Let's move onto something prettier, shall we?
I really love orchids but since I have a black thumb I can not manage to keep them alive. =(

And last, but certainly not least, I am OBSESSED with my sister's blog. I stalk it. Refresh the page multiple times a day waiting for a new post. Which is not a very productive way to spend my time, nor is it fruitful since she has shoddy internet at her apartment. In any case, I read it and enjoy every single word. Go check it out. Aaaaannndddd.... GO! (You can click the link down there and it'll take you straight there! Yippee!)

Joyous In Hope...

P.S. I don't know WHAT is up with the wonky spacing today. In my draft mode it all looks fine and dandy, spaced nice and even, everything just so. But as soon as I hit publish something goes funky and it ends up ugly and misshapen and disfigured... okay, I may be getting a little over-dramatic but it BUGS me!