Talents and Follow Through

I've been thinking about talents lately. As in, "WOW! You're so talented!"

Truth is, I don't have any. Talents, that is. There is no one thing that I excel at. I'm not musical. I'm not artistic. I don't have an eye for fashion and design. I'm not athletic. I can't take good pictures, much less keep my camera from getting broken. I'm not crafty. I can't keep plants alive to save my life. I can bake, but not amazingly well. Same goes for cooking.

At first, I was really discouraged thinking about how blase' I am. How boring, uninspired, plain. But then, I immediately thought of this verse:

Psalm 139:14 "I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

So, basically, if I'm dissatisfied with myself, my talents (or lack thereof), then I'm telling God that He did a bad job.

Well, I'm not really willing to tell The Big Guy whether or not I feel his version of me is up to code. Instead, I want to try to hone a skill, or talent.

I'm not sure what to try my hand at. I know my limitations. I know that I can't take a blank room and make a masterpiece out of it. I know that in Home Ec I spent most of my time seam ripping as opposed to making actual sewing projects. I know better than to try out for American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance. I know I can't go out and be someone's personal shopper.

But I'm at a loss as to where to start; what skill should I try to perfect? Or, at least, improve? I do love baking and cooking; but there's only so much I can do with that. Besides, I don't want to end up as the 600 pound woman. I don't want my life to revolve around food. I can bake and cook adequately enough to bless my friends and family and whip up a nice dessert if need be.

That's just something I'm pondering on. I'll let you know if inspiration hits.

The other thing I've been thinking about is my incredible lack of follow through. I've got the attention span of a gnat. I get all fired up about something and then 20 minutes later, all my excitement about it is gone.

I was super gung-ho about eating clean. Bought the book and everything. Read the book, tried a recipe and now it's sitting collecting dust on my shelf. So are my expensive ingredients. Untouched. Unopened. Uninspired.

I received a sewing machine as a Christmas gift last year from my husband. I was SO excited about it; I really, really wanted it. And yet, it is sitting unopened in the box in the garage. I say it's because I don't have a place to set it up, and that's true. But if I really wanted to create something with it, by golly I'd take it out and make it work.

I've started going to the gym, but I can already feel myself pulling back from that. I couldn't go today because my little monkey boy is sick. And I felt relieved. It was a perfectly valid excuse to skip my 1 hour torture session.

Basically, this lack of follow through feeds into my feelings of inadequacy and unremarkable-ness. It's a vicious cycle, and one that I don't want to be caught up in.

For now, I'm trying to learn to love myself, just as I am. Imperfections and all. After all, what *I* can and can't do really doesn't matter in the big scheme of things. What is important is that I have 3 small children in my care. How is THEIR quality of life?

Maybe that's the skill I need to work on improving and perfecting: mothering. It doesn't come naturally to me, that's for sure. I was never the girl who longed for babies and kids. I was the tomboy, out on my horse or falling out of trees. I didn't play with dolls, I played with my dogs. I never planned out my wedding and house or had names for my kids picked out at the ripe old age of 7.

That's probably a good place to start; working to become a more loving, compassionate, kind and good mother. And it's definitely worth following through on this one.