Out of the mouths of babes...

So yesterday Kate had her activity club with the girls her age from church. They made a special gift for their friends... Jen, Brooklyn will be getting what Kate made. =)

They also made a little picture for Kate that all the girls signed. One of the girls signed it, "If you leave I will put a bomb in your house." Now, that might sound alarming, but if you knew this girl, you'd understand. ;-)

But I've been thinking about it since last night, and really, she sort of hit the nail on the head. It's like a bomb went off. I mean, we were going along, living life, adjusting to life away from family, getting to know a whole new set of friends. And then BOOM! My MIL has brain cancer and we're moving home, but it's not entirely joyful because A) my MIL has brain cancer and B) we were just really getting to know our friends here and C) my husband will be gone 3 days a week for up to a year working in the office here.

Say what!?!?

Bomb. Totally. In my house.

Life is so topsy turvy right now. I feel overwhelming sadness at the friends I'm leaving. But I feel happy that I'll be close to my family. But then I feel hopeless at my MIL's prognosis. I don't know if I'm supposed to pray for a miracle or that she won't suffer. I don't know what God's will is, what His plan is, and what if I pray for the wrong thing? I want my prayers to mean something, to be a help, to be a petition. I just don't know what that looks like right now.

And then I feel what might be called terror at the thought that I'll be a single mom a good portion of the week. Not to mention I'm scared silly at the thought of all the hours my husband will be spending on the road, and how many potential accidents he could get in. How little sleep he gets already, and how he is going to get even less. How his job right now involves a crushing amount of work/time/hours/effort/energy. How he is dealing with the reality that his mom could quite possibly die, and how on earth can I help him, comfort him, strengthen him?

It's all just a tangled web of emotions and feelings.

I don't know if I'm supposed to be happy about moving home, because the reason we're moving is that my precious MIL might not be with us very long, and we want to be near her and allow our children to establish good memories of her. I mean, that's not a glorious reason to be moving home!

It's just a bunch of really intense emotions all at once. I don't know which one is correct. Should I feel happy? Sad? Forlorn? Scared? Relieved? I don't even know what to feel.

I do feel disheveled. :-P

And I do know that I can go to God. Even with this tangled web, even though I don't know how or what I ought to pray for. He loves me. HE LOVES ME. He loves my husband, and He loves my children, and He loves my MIL. So I can cry out to Him and I know that He will answer. I know He has a perfect plan, and I am convinced that He will give everyone grace for the days ahead.

For that, I am utrolig takknemlig. That's "unbelievably thankful" in Norwegian. I am thankful that the burden of this whole situation doesn't rest on my shoulders, and that there is a God who is listening and watching closely over everything.

Sorry for the emotionally charged post. I just had to get it out somewhere, and this is where it landed.